So what happened here?
Last year became enormous as did I. As my pregnancy progressed, I got slower and tried frantically to fit in more and more before the baby arrived. It was a time for doing, not time for reportage.
And now Matt and I have a son, Arthur who is nearly 8 months old. He was mostly born at home, in our kitchen with a quick dash to hospital in the last 40 minutes where a careless (lady) obstetrician pfaffed about too much and too roughly with a ventouse and in the end my midwife says I pretty much pushed him out myself at 20 minutes past 12 on the morning of May 8. He is a tiny Taurus Bull, born in the year of the Tiger who we refer to as the King of the Bears. Grrr. Snort.
Parenting is every joyous cliche I have ever heard and more and Arthur is a funny, exquisite, calm, stoic and generally delightful little boy who likes books, drumming, dancing and rabbits. I think I speak easily for both Matt and I when I say our lives are far greater with him in it. It has been so enjoyable I simply haven’t wanted to tear myself away in order to put into words something that might simply be indescribable.
I have decided not to return to work and instead, stay Mama-at-home/Artist-at-home and am slowly starting to make that combo work. It means financially life is rather slim but I have been here before when I first found I needed to retreat from the cycle and I find I need and am happier with less and less as time progresses. The investment in spending my time growing vegetables, ideas, images and a person is proving infinitely more gratifying.
Around me in 2010 people were born and people died. I welcome all you fascinating creatures who have arrived with open arms and to those who left, I just dearly wish I had the opportunity to say goodbye or to ask you to reconsider your journey before you set off. Everyone leaves a ragged, raw hole when they go. Everyone.
Despite these sadnesses I thank you 2010 for witnessing me turning 40 , for the 10 year marker for my marriage but most overwhelmingly for Arthur.
Soon I will post some brief catchups on what DID happen after I stopped recording but looking ahead, placing one foot in front of the other, and despite my tendency not to, this year some resolutions became clear as I showered away the last dust of 2010: to remember fun and how to have it; and to put an end to waste – wasted resources, money, emotion and time. I can and will cut back on all of them.
I wish you all the best for this year, whoever you are. Be as happy as you can and remember that aching void that would exist if you did not.
Happy New Year.