The knit and the purl of it

I’m in a rut.

In my job I feel useless and cumbersome which makes me unhappy which in turn makes me feel like a tool and an ungrateful wretch because it’s actually a great job. I’ve probably sat in there hanging on for grim death for way longer than any other employee previously. Some young thing should have had the opportunity to get their start in there a long time ago.

My confidence is at an all-time low which makes looking for something else torture. I’ve never in my life gotten a job I’ve applied for. I just kinda ‘fall into’ stuff historically. There’s a feeling in the air that I must go but that no-one else will hire me. I’ve always feared this to be true.

This all spills over into my studio as well. My ego can’t take completing any work just in case it turns out to be shite. I know the advice that I would give to others – that you have to risk making shite to make anything good and who would know if this next work is shite ’cause you just kick the shites under the rug in the privacy of your own studio space, learn from your mistakes and move on to the next one, which -odds are- will be a winner.

So that’s what’s up with the knitting. Weaving glorified string around two sticks in a fashion that belongs to the ages is a guaranteed winner. Who doesn’t love a sock? A scarf? Something made just for them, invested with time and care? What’s more there are patterns to follow – records that are proof of prior successes. These objects are guaranteed to be worth my time and crows-feet…

There is a strange substitution too – What are knitted stitches if not just physical pixels? The equivalence of the frames of film or video or one of a thousand girls dressed up as a violin in a Busby Berkley sequence. I worry over each tiny part in turn to make an object that is (without a doubt) the sum of it’s parts. If you freeze any frame of a Hitchcock film it is composed as if for a photograph.

I hope I never use any filler. But right now I’m too scared to find out.


6 thoughts on “The knit and the purl of it

  1. from Stella in Da ‘Burgh

    Sal, knit your frustrations in to a knitted being ( Voodoo, CWA style).

    Sorry to hear your in a rut, but remember you are in the middle of a Hobart winter, probably the most depressing place in the world in winter, the roaring 40’s have sucked any positive thoughts away and it’s terribly grey. Come spring everything will look better, sorry it’s a few months away.

    Your not the only one who feels cumbersome in your job, I swear I have spent the last 2 years waiting for someone to fire me; and I currently in a job I don’t remember applying for. Obviously don’t have anywords of wisdom to share, but if it is any consolation your not alone, and if I happen to come up with any idea’s of solution I’ll let you know.

    everyone loves a hand Knitted sock.

  2. Re: from Stella in Da ‘Burgh

    It’s true Stell – your employment situation IS mighty strange but it’s one that I would welcome right now I think.

    I want a job where no-one pays any attention to me at all and that has nothing to do with my (currently flaccid with anxiety) passions. This is instead of a job where I am proxy to every one else tackling their goals (ah, dreamy goals), while I am constantly hearing my name called on for accountability. Often for things I know nothing about. It’s time for it to be over.

    Is there a toothbrush factory anywhere in Hobart? I think I just wanna drill holes in handles…

    Can someone employ me to do something really mindless, please?

    I don’t need to be told how stupid I am anymore.
    I get the message. I just need to either tackle the stupidity and wrestle it into submission or do something where being a bit thick doesn’t matter… Neither of these outcomes can happen where I am.

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