morbid conversations with your graphic designer by email

S: Hi C. How’s that ad looking?
C: oh, I sent it to P. as he was the one who sent me the stuff. oops, here it is then luv.
S: Oh thanks lovely but can we take the opening date off? It won’t be in the paper until Saturday so it will all be open by then anyhoo…. Is it possible to make the image a bit more prominent too? Raise it up a bit in the layout? Sorry I realise that you are the graphic designer in this transaction…
C: Well yes its good to take the opening off, that means I can move the logos back to the bottom and move the piccy up. yay.
S: Oh MUCH better. That, my friend, is a beautiful thing. Well… as beautiful as it’s getting… (and through no fault of yours…) Thanks C.
C: the whole thing needs a revamp…Im trying to get onto it….dont spose you want some kids for a week?
S: sorry but no. I’m not shopping in that department. thinking of faking the symptoms of something that will require a radical hysterectomy actually…
C: Oh you’ll be sad when your old and theres no one to stuff you in a nursing home and forget about you.
S: I’ll just adopt my friend Cazzy’s plan and wander up the mountain in the snow with a bottle of scotch while I’m still able. Get into a nice secluded spot, sit down and start toasting myself until I’m gone…
C: never really did like scotch. …and it may be hard to take a zimmer frame up the mountain. Actually I don’t really think I’ll get too old, they say the good die young. (HAH)
S: aaaahhh well if that’s the case… Goodbye my friend. You and I won’t be here much longer….
C: was nice knowing ya mate.

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